What the Czech!

We are now flying over Canada on our way to London. I have never been to London and in many ways I am very excited to go however it will only be for a very short time, as we connect to Prague shortly after that. As you read this you already know that we are on a mission trip and I am leading High school students. You also know that I am a transparent person. So I must be honest with you. I feel a bit of anxiety. That is a lie I feel more than a bit of anxiety. I can only guess why but to try to make sense of it—I am getting older maybe wiser. I am not as ignorant to who I am as I was before. Let my try to explain further even though it may only complicate things more. I am a dreamer a lover of life better understood as idealistic I have an idea of what life should be like, better yet I KNOW what life should be like. At least in my own eyes. I know I am not the only one there are others like me and ironically I am following in their footsteps going to the Czech with SBC. Jon Kelley and Jared Reasy are to of the most idealistic people I know. This is not to exclude the current generation of youth in which most fall in the idealistic category than realistic category. I would venture to say that it is pop culture and technology that is to blame for that, but I digress. Both Jon and Jared have had to face their ideals this past year and I am no different I would venture to guess that it is because of the stage of life that we are in, newly married entering into careers and responsibility. All three things of which are nearly universal for guys in their 20s. Even with the company it doesn’t make it much easier. I feel like I should know what I am doing and it seems that everyone else knows what they are doing yet I feel a bit lost. To clarify—ideally I should have a grasp on this trip – emotionally, physically spiritually. Ideally – our blog should be full of deep insights about God, global evangelism and our ever-evident passion to change the world. May be even add something that is the cliché and trendy about how Christ was not an American and how I hope that God would stretch and shatter my worldview and a witty reference to the travel maybe an analogy to the ocean and how vast it is or the tiny world below. Realistically however I use this post as an emotional and mental catharsis as I barely even know which way is up. Ideally I would be prepared for this trip mentally physically emotionally and especially spiritually. Realistically—emotionally I am so backed up I have to dig deep to be sensitive to my wife. Mentally I am concerned more with home—where we will live how my brothers and parents are doing. What my job will look like when I get back. Physically I haven’t eaten 3 meals in one day since I don’t know when. A friend of Amy’s told me that I looked sick and needed to eat. One month ago I weighed 178 and had lost four pounds of fat and put on 4 pounds of muscle thanks to my trainer Nate. I now weigh 167 and haven’t seen Nate in 3 weeks I have slept one full night in 1 month. Spiritually—temptations have never been greater. The temptation to fail my wife, to betray my wife is always around the corner. the temptation to be a weak man because its easier. I am doing very little in my relationship with God and yet I am seeing him at work daily in my life I have never done so little and received so much. 2 Tim 2:13. It is a constant reminder that it is not because of me but because of him who is inside of me. Ideally I would be the best leader and best husband and change the Czech students lives forever and bring a few to Christ and bring honor to all of you who have prayed for us and supported us. Realistically it will be by the grace of God that I do not mess this up. And because of that grace i know i will not fail.